One (late) evening I suddenly realised - no, decided - that I wasn't going to buy any argument around the notion of family relationships which are fixed and unchanging. I don't know where I picked that up from in the first place.
Something about leaving home and our relationships with other householders - I won't stick with Ma / Pa / Sis / Bro because, many people clearly don't grow up with those simple family connections.
My point is that when we (I) quit the nest, these relationships sort of freeze in time. Our concept of who that person is, the power they had, or didn't have, with us or over us, our understanding of who that person is.
Moving back home as an adult, whilst derided by some, has drastically changed how I perceive, relate to, communicate with, and understand my mother. With some effort I have also achieved the same with my father. I say some effort because he lives a long way away but travels here from time to time. I think I have brought about this change by consciously deciding to understand how I was shaped by my environment as a child.
Being an adult and forcing myself to really, truly see my parents as adults who, as a young married couple were themselves struggling (consciously or not) with their own histories, allowed me to begin relating with more compassion for them as well as myself.
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